"My fellow Americans,

When I was running for President, I said you should vote for me because I didn't know anything about politics . . . or how to raise taxes . . . or how to ruin the economy. I didn't know how to get us into a war. I said you should vote for me because I didn't know anything.

Well, that was two months ago, and I'm very proud to say that . . . I still don't know anything. Let's face it: I'm a kid. I'm going to need a lot of help. Here's the deal I offer America: I'll help all of you if you all help me!"